My excitement about my new age stopped when I turn 17. Every birthday afterwards scares the hell out of me. (18, okelah. 19? 20? 21? Nooooo).
Yang paling nakutin adalah waktu ulang tahun ke-21. Man, 21, usia yang begitu dewasa. Udah bukan anak-anak lagi. Usia yang dilegalkan untuk minum alkohol di manapun di dunia, kecuali oleh islam.
Waktu 22, hmmmm biasa aja. Mau sedih juga gimana, waktu itu penelitian skripsi lagi lancar jaya, terus saya kabur liburan ke Bandung sama sekeluarga lengkap. Meski urusan keteteran (alhamdulillah clear waktu balik lagi) tapi happy bgt, banyak impian yang lancar dan kewujud di usia 22 :)
Sekarang, 23?
OMG it feels unreal.
Tidur saya gelisah malam itu. Saya berencana tidur cepat, tapi baru bisa tidur jam 11.
Jam setengah 2 saya terbangun dan gelisah tak bisa tidur. Saya solat Isya' lalu solat Hajat. Untuk pertama kalinya saya menangis dan merasakan ulang tahun saya kali ini memang beda dengan tahun2 sebelumnya.
"Saya tahu Kau lebih tahu apa yang baik untuk saya, tapi ijinkan saya meminta..."
Intinya sih berdoa tentang koas dan harapan2 saya yang banyak sekali untuk tahun depan. Semoga dilancarkan. Gak sabar pingin kerja dan dapet duit nih.
Saya pingin bahagia. Saya nggak pingin kesepian. Karena itu, bahagiakanlah pula orang-orang di sekitar saya biar saya gak bahagia sendirian.
Yepp, 23. Saya tersadar kalo pilihan studi saya boros umur. Moga cepet kerja cepet ketemu jodoh, aminn.
Cheers!
The way you point out that anything I said is merely the excuse to meet you.
The way we're always silent at night phone call and hardly know what to say.
The way you say 'iya?' after a long silence.
The way you're barely able to answer 'kangen ya?' and only make inaudible sound.
The way you ruined my effort to build sweet moments......
Consider my heart taken :)
Today is my oldest brother's birthday. I haven't sent any birthday greetings to him and instead, I called my mom, crying my heart loud.
"Ma, mama masih inget waktu ngelahirin Mas Bayun?"
"Masih."
"Gimana ceritanya, Ma?"
"Ya, lancar kok, banyak yang nungguin. Ada dokter, bidan, suster, papa," she answered, "Ngelahirinnya gak sesakit yang Mama bayangin, padahal kepala Mas Bayun besar. Tapi beratnya ringan, cuma 2,8 kg.. Terus, Mama pikir Mama mau kok ngelahirin lagi..."
"Terus waktu ngelahirin Mas Hanief gimana?"
"Mama dibantu pembantunya bidan, soalnya bidannya masih tidur.. Mas Hanief dilahirinnya tengah malem sih.."
"Waktu ngelahirin Rayna, Ma? Rayna kok dilahirinnya caesar?"
Yes, I was born c-sectioned. That made me think that every normal birth is surgical, until when I was 7th grade I finally found out the truth.
"Dokternya yang bilang kalo Rayna harus dicaesar.."
"Kenapa, Ma? Rayna sungsang?"
"Gak, kata dokternya kalo normal bakalan lama.."
I didn't know why I cried.
Well, actually I know. My mom has been hurt so brutally for being herself, and she didn't get the chance to prove that she doesn't deserve such treatment. I cried because I can't protect her. I cried because I couldn't take her away from her pain.
I called both of my brothers, but the second older connected first. He confusedly and constantly asked "Kamu nangis kenapa, Na?"
I just answered, "Rayna kesel!"
I also told him that I missed my nephew, Reksa, so much that it hurts me.
It's difficult to have a family all grown up and all grown apart. You get scared that they wouldn't care about you the way it used to. Well, they will. They have a new family, a new life. But they sure as hell won't forget you, if you keep them not to.
And sometimes, it's okay to show your vulnerability so they know they could love you....
Cheers.
I planned to start 13 Days Mayo Diet by tomorrow. I already did my grocery shopping! :)
Here's why I'm confident that I'll go through the next 13 days diet just fine:
- I'm fine with skipping or having very little breakfast and or lunch (no it's not a good habit). I've been in a dental internship for four months now and that's keeping me from having a decent lunch, especially. Lol
- I'm a 'living alone student'. I just eat what I bought. So maybe I'll just have very little distraction if I'm strict at what I buy..
- I enjoy afternoon sports as well, like aerobics, 2 hours treadmill and static bike on fitness center, jogging at UGM Student Quad, teehee :D
What scares me, though:
- The 13 Days Mayo Diet is probably Indonesian made. It's said that it's from Mayo Clinic of USA, but hey, they didn't say about the restriction nor the 13 days menu. If you think that this diet is clinical/scientific, you're wrong, nobody has found an English-Languaged journal about it...
- I love salty/savory menus more than the sweet ones! :(
- The restrictions from this diet, knowing that this diet is for detoxicating your body (and the weight loss is merely a bonus), are SALT (no salt whatsoever), processed SUGAR (I can live without it), and CARBO. I didn't find any carbo food on the menu.
- Baked, smoked, olive-oil fried, or boiled chicken, egg, and meat is on the menu. But, because I love salty/savory food more than ever, I decided to exclude chicken and meat from it. I can't eat them without the decent spice, I can't have them tasteless :(
So I decided to have a boiled and raw vege, boiled egg, fruit, yoghurt (I planned to buy the plain yoghurt, it's 0.9 USD more expensive than the tasteful one, sigh), and greentea. I can't even have a whole wheat toast in it! :(
Well. My target is 5-8kgs reduced. I wonder how my body would look like if I weigh 42, or maybe 40 kgs. Lol. (I'm petite, 154cm/47.5 kg. My fat belly and thighs are annoying.)
The culinary traveling is off my plans for 13 days! Will update soon, wish me luck!
