Rabu, 28 Januari 2015

Kenapa Rayna Dilahirin Caesar?

Today is my oldest brother's birthday. I haven't sent any birthday greetings to him and instead, I called my mom, crying my heart loud.

"Ma, mama masih inget waktu ngelahirin Mas Bayun?"

"Masih."

"Gimana ceritanya, Ma?"

"Ya, lancar kok, banyak yang nungguin. Ada dokter, bidan, suster, papa," she answered, "Ngelahirinnya gak sesakit yang Mama bayangin, padahal kepala Mas Bayun besar. Tapi beratnya ringan, cuma 2,8 kg.. Terus, Mama pikir Mama mau kok ngelahirin lagi..."

"Terus waktu ngelahirin Mas Hanief gimana?"

"Mama dibantu pembantunya bidan, soalnya bidannya masih tidur.. Mas Hanief dilahirinnya tengah malem sih.."

"Waktu ngelahirin Rayna, Ma? Rayna kok dilahirinnya caesar?"

Yes, I was born c-sectioned. That made me think that every normal birth is surgical, until when I was 7th grade I finally found out the truth.

"Dokternya yang bilang kalo Rayna harus dicaesar.."

"Kenapa, Ma? Rayna sungsang?"

"Gak, kata dokternya kalo normal bakalan lama.."

I didn't know why I cried.

Well, actually I know. My mom has been hurt so brutally for being herself, and she didn't get the chance to prove that she doesn't deserve such treatment. I cried because I can't protect her. I cried because I couldn't take her away from her pain.

I called both of my brothers, but the second older connected first. He confusedly and constantly asked "Kamu nangis kenapa, Na?"

I just answered, "Rayna kesel!"

I also told him that I missed my nephew, Reksa, so much that it hurts me.

It's difficult to have a family all grown up and all grown apart. You get scared that they wouldn't care about you the way it used to. Well, they will. They have a new family, a new life. But they sure as hell won't forget you, if you keep them not to.

And sometimes, it's okay to show your vulnerability so they know they could love you....


Cheers.

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